5.1.2002

Oy, another trip to the dentist this afternoon. I got out of school early, picked up my brother, and arrived at the dentist office about 20 minutes early. Perfect opportunity to take a nap in the car. The rain and Sublime in the stereo (not to mention, a heater that actually works!) made it all the more pleasant. I took yet another nap while waiting for my turn in the waiting room. Maybe the fates are trying to tell me I need more sleep at night. Anyhoo, the dentist decided to give me an extra shot in my mouth. The entire right side of my mouth has been numb for HOURS, and my jaw hurts so I can't even open it all the way. Trying to eat dinner was quite the challenge, and I'm sure I looked ever so amusing.

My cousins (who I see maybe twice a year) called me up and invited me to a late dinner after work on Saturday. One of them is only 4 days younger than me, so there's a special bond there (she's really lovey-dovey =Þ). I, on the otherhand, am somewhat stoic. However, I look forward to seeing them and having a great evening.

Last but not least, REM rocks!
7:43:05 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.3.2002
I look so crazy! Bryan was over last night, and he drew a red heart with his name on it in red liquid ink pen on my hand. Bit of info: I sleep funny. I roll around and do all sorts of crazy things. So anyway, I woke up this morning with a huge red SPOT on my face in the shape of a heart. I mean huge, too...about an inch in diameter. One might mistake me for wounded (because red means blood, duh). Perhaps I should start sleeping with my hands tied down at my sides. Did you ever see "Never Been Kissed"? (It's a movie.) Well I feel like I have "Loser" stamped across my forehead. Only a heart is not as bad. Pray that I can get it washed off before school. Ack! I'm such a dork.
5:36:25 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not coming off!!! Oh no! There's no way I can go to school like this. Perhaps if I apply exorbitant amounts of makeup to my face. Ahhhhhh!!!!! This is not a Lisa thing to do. This is a Candi thing to do. Poo... She's in Indianapolis for the Star Wars convention so I don't even get to tell her about it when I get to school. Well, I'm pretty good at laughing at myself and accepting the embarassing moments. But usually the moment has passed by the time the laughter dies down. I reiterate: This is not coming off!!! D'oh!
5:52:42 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.4.2002
The fact that my daily graphic is not working is really starting to bug me. The name of this blog is Phresh Phish, so don't you think it would be appropriate to have a picture of a fish heading every entry? I thought so, too!! But noo...technology is once again acting against me. I'm foiled again. Drat! Maybe this picture of the fresh fish will turn out. If it doesn't, I'm sorry. It's basically just a silly-looking dead fish. Bon appetit!
10:29:32 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.5.2002
This lack of sleep is a bit frustrating. My cousin says I'm a teenager, and I should be used to it. Gee, that's comforting.
Semi-amusing things that happened to me yesterday:
Yesterday at work I was putting groceries in the back of some lady's van when her HUMUNGO dog lunged at me out of nowhere, and all the lady said was, "No licking, Hannah." I'd much rather be licked by a dog than trampled. Did I ever tell you of my fear of dogs? I've had once since early childhood, though it's been slowly dissipating throughout the years.
I saw a stretch-SUV with a blowup doll sticking out of the window. (Does this really require a comment?)
I used a vocab word, and my boss didn't know what it meant. (I love doing that.)
An old lady referred to me as 'you people' and yelled at me for something I didn't do. I corrected her. She looked stupid. Damn customers.
And now, as I sign online at 8:30 am, some random 22-year-old guy from New Jersey IMs me and nonchalantly requests cyber sex. Bah! Sometimes stereotypes are appropriate.
Remember the heart that Bryan drew on my hand? Still there! The bright blood-red has faded into a barely noticeable pink, but it's still there. It resists my attempts to erase it. No matter how hard I scrub, the heart looks at me and says, "Ha! I'm still here and you smell like poo!" What?! I happen to think I smell rather lovely. I shall conquer it one day, wait and see. As for Bryan, vengeance is mine!
9:01:16 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.7.2002
I'm emotionally drained. This is all so surreal.
6:31:20 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.11.2002
Well folks, this is it. My parents have pulled me out of school indefinitely, away from all my friends and memories. What a way to end the junior year. I've taken a sabbatical from work, and most likely from dating. This sucks. I've never been more tired in my life. I even fell asleep in the middle of my math quiz.

Traffic in Omaha sucks; don't ever live here. The construction is never ending and random rednecks from Farmsville, NE drive so badly you almost get killed. The only nice thing about this city is me. The rest is poo. I reiterate in saying I'm sleepy. ALL day, every day.

I have my ticket for Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. I'm going to see it with the biggest SW fans I know at the 12:01 am showing. If I dress up at all, I think I could pull off a good Leia. I'm not hot enough for the queen and not hairy enough for Chewy. As Bryan says, I'm fakily awake. Random redneck says "Pleasant dreams y'all!"
11:35:19 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.11.2002
Time for a poll! After watching an extensive amount of movies in the last 24 hours, I realized that there is a plethora of attractive young women in Hollywood. Tell me, who do you think is the best looking? Natalie Portman, Sandra Bullock, or Reese Witherspoon? Since I am not clever enough to figure out how to post a real poll, you may email me at labmhs@yahoo.com to vote. The most creative answers will be posted at a later time. Stare longingly, think hard, and happy voting!
9:54:13 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

Since I haven't been able to talk to anyone outside my home today, I figured I'd just tell my blog how my day went. First of all, I didn't wake up until 1 pm. Sleep is the only way for me to escape the hectic hell I'm living in, and I forced myself to stay there as long as possible. Unfortuantely, at least 50 different people called my house all wanting to come over and visit (and in the process, waking me up every 2 minutes). The phone was right next to my head, and rather than tolerate the loud ringing, I finally dragged myself out of bed. Then of course, the morning potty break. (Too many details!) I commenced with "breakfast" and the random insult to my younger brother. Today my dad gave us a shopping list and the keys to his suburban. My car had stalled just as I was pulling out of the driveway because it hates wet weather of any kind and likes to embarass me in front of visiting relatives. We visited a variety of stores, including the mall. The saddest part, we were sent to go shopping for new clothes for my mother's impending funeral. It was a disaster in a depressing mindset. It took forever and a half to find a suit coat that actually fit my brother. Men's department stores don't account for the fact that there are boys under the age of 16 who wear suits. We did, however, end up at the Men's Warehouse where we were treated with the best customer service I've ever seen. We were in and out in 10 minutes AND we found the perfect suit. They turned my brother into a gentleman. I walked away empty-handed as I did not find an appropriate dress. I hate shopping for clothes with other people; I always feel rushed. Secondly, it is SPRING. There is not a lot of nice black dresses to choose from in the springtime as the women's clothing stores seem to think we females like pinks and yellows and sky blues. I am not a fan of pastels. Shopping for apparel is so easy for boys. They go in, pick something in their size, and buy it. I could pick any number of dresses, all the same size, and each one would fit differently. Ugh. Being a girl totally sucks. As I always say, (and yes, I always say this) the only disadvantage to being a guy is external genitalia. Wouldn't you agree? Of course you would. Anyway, back to the rest of my day. I watched the end of Cats and Dogs, the beginning of Dr. Dolittle 2, and most of Miss Congeniality. Somewhere in between movies, I found time to eat way too much vegetarian pizza, go shopping (I can't believe I actually bought red flip flops. I'm not a sandal person), and update my blog. One advantage to missing out on school and work is that I'll finally have time to clean my room and catch up on all of those books I've been meaning to read. I even bought three more last week. First stop on my literary journey: A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole. (Reccomended by journalist friend, Joshua Benton. Thanks bud!) Until next time...
10:21:50 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

Ugh, so I'm discussing exercising with a friend of mine, and he speaks to me as though I'm bed-ridden. It's not like I sit at home on my ass all day eating food and watching daytime tv. I almost NEVER watch tv, and I'm rarely home to begin with. I go out all the time, just not running on the bike trail by my house. I'd like to, but there's always an excuse waiting to be grabbed and used for such an adventure as that. My friend Malinda has random urges to exercise, and she usually calls me up; but other than that, the extent of my "running" involves running errands (aka sitting in my car driving from place to place....how exhausting). I know I could stand to lose some poundage, get over it. I have enough on my mind without having others indirectly call me fat. Maybe the approach of warm weather will bring some motivation to exercise along with it. We must, however, keep in mind the depression factor so slowly creeping up and the junk food binging it will prompt. Whatever happens happens. Either way, don't call me fat! (Just think it.)
10:39:54 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

That psycho mailbox bomber dude looks just like Deli Pat! Except maybe he's a little bit skinnier. Deli Pat is a tad disturbing, too. He's the jolly, red-haired, freckle-faced college student who works in the deli at Baker's during the summer and holidays. He used to brag that he made more money than me. I replied with "Bite me," and he actually tried to bite me! He literally chased me around the break room. That is psychotic flirting in and of itself. He showered me with compliments, and I could only smile meekly in return. Maybe he sneaked some pipe bombs into the deli department, secretly hiding them in the honey cured ham. Or maybe he drew happy faces in every slice of colby-jack cheese he could find. Scary thoughts. For lack of a witty conclusion, I bid thee a good evening.
11:01:22 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.12.2002
Oof...too many granola bars. I found some ever so lovely women's apparel today. They were designer clothes even. The lady who sold them to me was super snooty and she had bad makeup and overly strong perfume. Uck. She was a total poser! I updated my photo album (yeah yeah, only one measley pic again). I'll get more soon. I dyed my hair an auburnish color..."Navajo Bronze." I like it.
10:28:38 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.13.2002
After 9 1/2 hours of waiting, watching her die... she's finally gone. :( We are a solemn people.
1:42:12 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

SHOUT OUT
My life has been filled with events. There are events that I remember and ones that I forget. The ones I forget seem to come back and haunt me from time to time. But without those events, I would have no reminders. I would have no reminders of the people I hurt, how guilty I felt, and how sorry I acted in that situation. God puts us all in situations for a reason. That reason is so that humans can see that the only way to live life is to "give up what we can not keep to gain what we can not lose."
Posted By: Brian Nachtwey 1/5/2003 8:45:05 AM

5.14.2002
To save you the trouble of asking how I am, I can summarize my day into one word: Exhausting. I spent the night at Grandma's in her recliner in the living room. Painful. They let me sleep in, and they fed me too much breakfast. Even my cousin broke her "diet." Damn donuts. It was worth spending the night though. My grandma gave me a new toothbrush. It's the coolest toothbrush EVER! Anyhoo, I spent the entire morning/afternoon making funeral arrangements, picking out plots in the cemetery, ordering flowers, etc. After a visit from Jenny B. and eating too much food, I went to the annual Honors Convocation at my school. This is a night when they present the bulk of the awards earned over the course of the year. They gipped me on my second year music letter! The bastards! I got a math award and a third year academic letter, but I want my music award! Last year I got 11 things, but this year I just haven't had the time. We ended up leaving early because it was sooo boring, and I was pooped. I did, however, look quite fashionable in my new outfit and meticulously applied makeup. I don't understand how I can be so hungry and so tired after all the food I've been eating (well it's not that much) and sleep I've been getting (I reiterate). I think I just need a day to NOT do stuff. It sounds like the appropriate thing to do, right? Or maybe I should keep preoccupied. So in case you're still wondering how I am, my response is, "I'm alive."
9:37:14 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.15.2002
I've never been 'the girl with no mom.' Does this mean I become the stereotypical tomboy? I've kinda already passed that phase, although taping my breasts does sound appealing. What to do? What to do? Stay away from people, that's what. They piss me off...

You know what? It's nice of you all to say "I'm here for you anytime you need me." But are any of you here now? At midnight when I'm too god damn tired to fall asleep? No! I didn't think so. So stop it. Those words aren't so comforting after you've heard them a bajillion times. They're all the same. If you hear the same shit over and over, it doesn't seem so sincere. There are other ways to express sympathy and sorrow. You say you're here for me?? Where's my god damn hug when I need one? Yeah....that's what I thought. In the middle of Nonexistant, USA. And you....those of you who are stupid strange people who don't even KNOW me. You just freak me out when you try to hug. It'd be cool if I even knew your name or something. But being mauled by a complete stranger is NOT fun. So stop it. And let me live my own shitty life. Let me ruin it the way I want to. I've always been a quick griever. Don't try to force me to wallow in sadness when I don't want to. If I wanna be sad, it'll be in the shower where no one else can hear me. That's how it's always worked before. I want your hugs, but only if they're genuine. I don't want to hear broken records. I want some Pepto Bismol (my only friend). I want a fucking sleeping pill. I don't know what I want.

I don't know what to do.
12:18:18 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.16.2002
Dude! Last night was so totally weird. I was at wake #2 up in the front of the church next to my mom's casket. A line started to form from the front where I was all the way to the back of the church. All these people came up to view my mom, and then give me a hug or offer some sort of sympathy, condolence, etc. I hugged person after person for almost an hour! My friends said they felt like they were meeting someone famous since they were being shuffled along in line. And then, a whole new line formed after the service with all different people (and some returning for "seconds" on the hugs). I probably ended up with a million different fragrances on me by the end of the night. There were more in attendance than Christmas Mass. My mom sure was a popular lady.

Today at the funeral wasn't so bad. I hate wearing heels. I nearly fell on my butt at least three times. I heard one of the best choirs ever. The luncheon afterwards was a little more enjoyable, of course. Some distant relative of ours came up to us, and consoled my cousin, thinking she was me. It was definitely an amusing moment. As we were sitting there, my aunt had accidentally spilled a teeny bit of water on my backside. I hadn't noticed until I felt someone's hands on my butt. They were trying to dry me off I guess. I thought "Who the hell is rubbing my ass?!" That would be totally weird if some random person started rubbing your butt. That happened to me at work once. My grandma came up from behind and smacked my heinie. Before I turned around I thought it was some creepy psycho looking to get his ass kicked. Maybe I just have issues with my butt and other people.

I went out for dinner tonight. The waitress got everybody's order wrong. Well, it wasn't really her fault. The cooks didn't speak english too well, and they had trouble comprehending alterations to orders (for example: NO sauerkraut on my reuben). Oh well, it was still edible. She was just too nice for us to give her a hard time. Another weird thing: their cucumber ranch salad dressing is green. GREEN! It was tasty, but it took some effort to get past the color. Oy, I'm so stuffed.
9:41:24 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.17.2002
I got jealous of everyone else having supercool websites. I'm sure they got them by paying for some high-tech advanced program software. I decided to try and learn HTML so I can build sites all by myself. How's my driving? I'll get better after a while, I'm sure.

No more food! People keep taking me out to lunch and dinner. I'm so stuffed with food that my tummy hurts. You guys really aren't helping my "diet." Buy me a pony or something. At least the pony can eat the leftovers.
1:59:25 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.18.2002
I didn't talk to my boyfriend ALL day. I come home at 2:30 am expecting a plethora of emails from all those that miss me. Alas, I didn't get a single one. No one even tried my cell! Ah, maybe I'm just not popular enough. It's lonely here so early in the morning. I buried my mom's ashes today. I started to really think about her, how much I miss her already, and how much I'm going to miss her in the future. I'm pretty accepting of the current situation, but mostly because it's all a blur and I haven't really comprehended it all. I don't want to break down crying, but I know it's going to happen sooner or later. That's really going to suck. I hope everything turns out all right. Time to escape...zzzzzz.....
2:38:30 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

I saw Spiderman last night. It was SOO cool. Tobey Maguire is a little cutie, but I'm not a big fan of Kirsten Dunst. I woke up feeling quite depressed today. I've been trying to keep myself busy with laundry and cleaning the house. I miss my friend Seth more than anything, not that he'd know. We never even speak to each other anymore. It's very sad. It's so boring around here, even though there's a million and two things for me to do. *sigh* I hope I cheer up soon.
1:41:27 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.21.2002
This is so weird. I was eating breakfast, and I only hiccupped when I was about to swallow my coffee. I held my breath, and just when I thought they were gone... HICCUP! It's very frustrating. Yesterday I celebrated my one-month anniversary with Bryan. We went out to a Mexican place called La Fonda's. What the hell is a 'fonda'? I am smart enough to know that la = the in Spanish...but WHAT is a fonda? It's quite perplexing. We also went to this crummy arcade where all the games cost a nickel (except the cool ones, which cost 2 or 4 nickels). We ended up turning in our winnings for a whoopee cushion. My only regret was that the air hockey table was broken. So sad. It was an anniversary well spent though, and I even got a rose. He's such a sweet boy. I immersed myself in Brinkfolio yesterday. I demanded that Bryan teach me how to make all that cool stuff. Today is Farewell Day at school. It's the last day for the seniors, and there's a big picnic with free pizza, then a play and Senior Wills. I can't wait for my box of Cheerios! Remind me to rant about the overwhelming amount of work my not-so-lenient teachers have piled on my my first day back. I'd do it now, but I must be off to school. Farewell seniors, I love you!
6:00:45 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.24.2002
Come stop your crying; it will be alright. They don't see it, but I cry every night.
Just take my hand, hold it tight. Whose hand am I reaching out for?
I will protect you from all around you. I don't feel protected.
I will be here, don't you cry. I can't see you.
For one so small, you seem so strong. I don't feel strong either.
My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm. I'm so cold, so tired.
This bond between us can't be broken. I know that; believe me, I know.
I will be here; don't you cry. Where are you?
6:12:46 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

How appropriate. I went to see the movie "Insomnia," and I practically fell asleep in the theater. Props to the concession stand guy for evenly dispersing the butter on our popcorn. I can't believe it. I still have my Junior Mints. Normally they're gone by the end of the previews.
11:58:45 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.25.2002
Here's a hint: When someone emails you, it's polite to reply.
8:56:52 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.27.2002
Oh goodness. I have finals tomorrow. Wish me luck; I'll need lots of it. I know they won't let me fail, but I'd much rather have an A than a C-. We had a study group with our history class this evening. It resulted in a psychotic copy machine at Baker's and the invention of a new porn star named "Archduke Dirtyman" and his erotic shower. Eww! I think I'm going to shave my head. Having long hair is most uncomfortable in the hot summer months. Or maybe I'll just go to my hairdresser and tell her she can experiment on me. Either way I'll have shorter hair, and therefore the back of my neck will be exposed to both UV rays and the cool summer breeze. Yay! I'm so tired, but I know if I head off to bed I'll regret it in the morning. I think I'll probably end up staying up late to study and then fall asleep during my history final tomorrow. Again, I need all the luck I can get, so keep me in your thoughts. I promise much more entertaining entries when school is over. Peace out.
11:27:05 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.28.2002
Well, folks, just when you thought I'd piled on all the bad news I could, I come bearing more. Bryan has broken up with me. I admire the way he did it. He was very straightfoward, and didn't waste too much time apologizing; because we all know they apologize just because they have to. I know we'll still be friends, and very good ones at that. I don't exaggerate when I say he is the sweetest and kindest guy I've ever met. So there's been a change in our relationship. Like he said, it doesn't have to be a bad thing. We're both under a lot of stress right now, and this coming year is going to be a big one. I'm glad I'll have a friend to lean on, because I already know how hectic things are going to be for me. I suppose I could admit that at times, I felt things weren't ideal; but I didn't do anything because the next time I saw him always ended up being great. No worries dudes, I'm not going to wallow in sadness. I'll cry, but you won't see it.

Right now I have other things I need to concentrate on. Did I mention that Bryan has the worst timing when it comes to dumping me? :) Yeah so, I still have two more days of finals left, and a dad to look out for. My brother is off in Canada for the next 8 days. I'm hoping he really enjoys his trip. He felt bad about leaving us... He gets to go to another country while I'm stuck at home taking finals and looking for a new job. But as one can always catch me saying, NO WORRIES. Life will be good in a matter of time. I just need to set my priorities in order and not let myself get depressed. I'm not nearly as stoic as I used to be, but I sense it is still with me. Stoicism I mean, not The Force. "Do or do not, there is no try." - Yoda I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Ay-dee-ohs.
8:10:55 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.29.2002
I lied. I'm not fine with it. I'm thoroughly sad. I can't sleep. I still love him....

He doesn't even seem to be sad. I'm tired of being hurt.

My broken heart.
6:25:10 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

The last day of school is approaching, and I decided to clean out my book bag. Inside my accordion binder I found an old essay I had written and planned to submit to the National Honors Society. NHS requires prospective members to submit an essay in addition to having good grades, leadership skills, doing service, and having good character. I hate writing essays about my self because it forces me to brag while trying to remain somewhat modest. Stupid, I know. I was feeling rather flippant when I wrote this essay, and after much deliberation (and advice from others) I wrote another one instead. Needless to say, the second one was acceptable as I am currently a member of NHS. Here's the original:

Dear Selection Committee:

Members of the National Honor Society should excel in the areas of scholarship, leadership, service, and character. I believe that I have met the required guidelines. You've asked me to write an essay about myself and why I think should be considered for membership. Well if you really want me to, I'll talk about myself all day long, no problem. Alas, you have limited me to only one page. Since you really want to get to know me, I decided to take the informal approach to writing this essay. No, I don't always spew out big words, and I don't recite pi to 20 decimal places. How can I prove my self worthy if I don't act like myself? Therefore, you get the silly, sarcastic, and realistic old me.
I've wanted to join National Honor Society since my freshman year. I swear the first week of school my dad asked me, "So when are you joining NHS?" I had no idea what it was. As I always say, if you want to know something, take the initiative and ask! I fond out about this "honored society" of smarties and leaders and role models and all of the people I admire. Do I want to be exactly like Michael Jordan or Britany Spears? No way! Realistically, I think my talents are centered on academics and applying myself to the majority of the real world. I believe you should surround yourself with people you want to be like.
As you already know, I have a GPA of 3.5 or higher. I take challenging classes, and I work hard to do well in school. I try to take as many advanced classes as I can so that I can move ahead when I get to college. I made up a word to describe myself (silly as that is): "Ambibrainiac" which means to be both right- and left-brained. I'm interested in almost all fields of science and the intrinsic courses of math. I love fine arts and writing and languages and history as well. I can honestly say that I don't have a favorite class. No, I don't hate all of them. I enjoy each and every one, and I know that it will behoove me in the future to be as knowledgeable as I can.
As far as leadership goes, I am always a take-charge kind of person. Bossy at times? No, never! Ever since I was young I've taken things into my own hands to make sure they are done right. I have had some leadership positions, though most of my "take-charge" work has been done when I didn't really have a title. I may not be named 'manager' or 'president', but I still work intensely and fill in when leadership is lacking.
I feel that I have done a lot of service in the past. I give up my own free time to help out others, even if it is not for a big organization. I don't do service for recognition, though that is a rarity in itself. I do service because I like to have fun, and I like to help others.
Last but not least, my character. One word I usually use to describe myself is stoic. Those rare occasions that I'm in a bad mood are arcane. There is a saying: "Attitudes are contagious; is yours worth catching?" I concur with the idea that that if you want to be happy, you should surround yourself with happy people. If you want to cheer someone up, be cheery yourself. I reiterate in saying that I want to make the best of myself by surrounding myself with others I want to be like. Those kinds of people are members of the National Honor Society. So here I am, taking a step in the positive direction and awaiting an answer.
But I digress... I consider myself to be very trustworthy. And in all honesty, I am not always honest. Jumping back to reality, do you know anyone who is? I act immodest whenever possible. Oddly enough, I am terrible at receiving compliments. I live up to my responsibilities and usually my potential. In short, I feel as if I have good character. To elaborate any more than I have would be putting myself on a pedestal, and I would feel uncomfortable doing that.
Please consider me for National Honor Society. I've waited two years, and I I really look forward to being a part of this group. I think I would learn a lot about what it takes to be a role model, and I hope I would make new friends as well. Thank you.
9:05:41 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

I feel myself going through a wide range of emotions right now. I know that over the last year I have changed for the better, but these last couple weeks I have become somewhat of a downer. I don't want to use my mother's death as an excuse for it, but I really don't see any other cause. I realize that I have lost many of my closer the close friends recently, and I can't help but be sad. Not to mention that my heart has been broken yet again. My father says that God is just trying to test me. I wonder if he tells me this in jest since he knows that I have distanced myself from religion the last couple months. I take a look at myself, and I just want to cry. The few people I thought I could count on have left me in the dark. I am not as stoic as I used to be. But that just means that you might actually see my tears, instead of me hiding from everyone. I never wanted to label myself as "depressed," but I'm afraid that's what it's come down to. I really can be a happy, loveable person, and there are many that can vouch for that. It's just so hard to show it when I keep getting hurt time and time again. And it's not like my sorrows are evenly spaced out. They're all thrown at me at once. I think I am pretty strong. Anyone else in my position would probably have attempted suicide by now. I'm not saying the thought has never crossed my mind, but I'm too much of a coward to ever go through with it. I am hoping something new and exciting happens to me soon. Perhaps then my entries won't be so melancholy. Until then, listen carefully, and you may hear me crying myself to sleep.
10:37:15 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale

5.30.2002
I would like to apologize for my dramatics. Though every feeling I wrote about was genuine for a time, I think that my last entry worried a few people. I am not thoroughly depressed. Though I am very sad, indeed. I am the type of person who tends to get a little melodramatic when everything hits her all at once. I just needed to write it down. I'm feeling much better now. It is amazing what a simple talk with a new 'friend' can do to boost one's spirits. So no worries, folks. No drastic action will be taken. I can talk the talk, but I rarely walk the walk.

Wish me luck on my last two finals today. They'll be mostly difficult, but I think if i try hard enough, I can pass. Unfortuantely, I have not gotten enough sleep to keep me comfortably awake even as I write this entry. I don't dare drink the coffee we have here at home. I've no idea how old or fresh it is. Blech.

As of yesterday, my birthday is in exactly 2 months.
6:00:01 AM | Lisa Bloomingdale

Today was the last day of school and guess what! I got 100% on my physics finals, and I aced precalc. Whoo hoo! A group of friends and I went out to VI for some grub, and spent the afternoon downtown and at Goodwill. I basically spent my first day of freedom driving around the city and wasting money and gas. But hey, that's what summer's for. Newest cds include 8th Wave, The Strokes, and a compilation called Wet Paint. God bless the Antiquarium. And last but not least, I'm off to the party. Isn't life grand?
6:16:29 PM | Lisa Bloomingdale